Growing up you were always around. Not necessarily the 'around' I had hoped for, but I could always see you out of the corner of my eye.
As the years past by us and we made our own memories, there was still some part of me that belonged to you. I couldn't tell you why, being we hardly spoke when we were younger, but you did. You owned a piece of me I couldn't get back.
Our mutual friends knew how we felt about each other but no moves were ever made. Until, that is you decided to confess how you felt towards me. In that moment I felt as if time were at a stand still. You complimenting every inch of my physical being had taken my breath away. You, the guy I had always been foolishly attracted too, just told me how beautiful my weak and scrawny arms were in your eyes. I shouldn't have accepted that as a compliment.
From the very beginning I was told it was supposed to be you and I. Our friends and families knew it, and I suppose we ended up thinking so too. As the time passed the tension between us became significantly stronger, evidently. I was starting to become shy when I was in your presence, something you and I both know I'm not, and the flirting was becoming genuine. Lord knows we both tried to run away from the feelings that were about to erupt, but we didn't make it too far. Before I knew it we were laying down next to one another and you told me you couldn't do "this" any more, you needed me to be yours. I thought it was the silliest thing, but I dove in head first into this uncharted territory we were getting into.
Everything felt so perfect, even though you were gone most of the time you still made the effort to talk to me whenever you possibly could. The late night hours we spent facetiming, after the bars, to the early morning texts from you before you'd go to work. You did it for me. Made me feel as if time had stopped just for us.
After a few months, however, things had begun to change and you got busy. Our nonstop back and forth texting slowly became a few messages a day, and the phone calls became nonexistant. I understood though, because you were busy with training. So I let that continue for months thinking that as soon as training were over things would go back to being normal. That if we could make it passed this obstacle nothing could stop us. Oh how silly was I..
Eventually it became a few days in between us talking. You were off shore and I was busy sitting by the phone waiting for you to call and tell me everything was okay. You never called. Those days spent waiting for your call felt like eternity and I shed tears I'm not proud of. My friends had begun seeing the tole it was taking on me and that made them start despising you. I shared with you some of my darkest times in hopes you'd understand where I was coming from and why everything hurt me, but you didn't show an ounce of sympathy and that's when I should have ran.
I waited and waited until my heart couldn't take it anymore. I had talked to God every night asking what I should do and praying for the strength to find myself again, until it came to me.. It wasn't always supposed to be you and me, and that's perfectly okay.
In order to be happy you must let go and move on. The journey we went through wasn't perfect, but it was the greatest lesson I've come to learn this far. And that is to always be selfish when it comes to your feelings. I couldn't make you, or anyone, happy if I myself weren't happy.
You also helped me fall in love with myself and the beautiful world that surrounds me again. For that I will always be grateful and you will always have a special part of my heart. It may not be what I had hoped for many years ago, but I've finally placed you forever. In that part where all of our memories reside I will cherish forever, but thats all they are now, memories.
Thank you for being the beginning to my happiest days.
