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| Chili Fest '16 |
I've finally begun to be happy again. To be completely honest I'm not quite sure when things have ever been this great. I've got a decent paying job that isn't stressful at all, a new (to me) car that is completely in my name, and my dad moved home after not living with us for 10 years! I've also slowly started to learn how to love myself.
Around summer time last year my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer. It was tough to say the least, but we made it through. The long days of radiation and chemo had started to take a tole on her, so I had to take on more household duties. We found out, 6 months later, around Christmas time that my mom had finally went into remission, which didn't last very long. She went back for a check up 6 months later only to learn she had spots of cancer on her lungs and her lymph nodes. Thankfully, after more radiation and chemo, she is back in remission!
With my mom being cancer free again, my dad has moved home after retiring from 20 years in the navy. When we moved to Texas my parents decided to buy the house and stay here. Unfortunately 4 years after moving my dad got stationed back in San Diego and he moved around while we stayed here. Now that he's back things have changed, but not in a bad way. I have someone who understands me and someone I can relate to. Living without both parents for the past decade shaped me and helped me mature in ways most people learn in their late 20's. I had to take on a lot of responsibilities, but I wouldn't change a thing about it.
The hardest thing that I had to overcome was learning how to love myself. This time last year I was in an extremely dark place with the world. I was spiraling out of control and drowning in waves of darkness. I hated myself and just about everyone around me. I was depressed. I wanted to end everything, make every past memory irrelevant, make the horror of the future vanish. I was giving up. I had my plan and I was going to take that train to no mans land. I was in the middle of my goodbye letter when someone called me and changed my mind. I had felt so worthless in the past, but I just needed a reminder of how much I'm appreciated!*** After that incident I decided to talk to my doctor about what was going on and she gave me a list of activities and ideas to help. It took awhile, but I've figured out how to love myself and thats one of the purest feelings in the world!
The past year has been extremely hard for me and my family, but you can't just quit.
That isn't all that has gone on, but they are life changing events. Things aren't anywhere near where I'd like them to be, but they're getting there! I've met my forever friends this past year and the blessings keep coming. Don't give up!
"All that truly matters in the end is that you loved."
*** If you, or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts tell them to call 1(800)2738255 to talk to someone who can help before it's to late.
