Today one of my dear friends asked me "red how are you so strong?" and to tell you the truth I didn't know the answer. I didn't know how to respond. Life is hard. I spend so many days just wanting to give up, but I never do. I some how always persevere without knowing why. Subconsciously praying that it will get better, that everything will get better.

I sometimes find myself on my knees crying asking why something has happened to me. I'm sure we have all found ourselves in this position at least once. What pushed us to being there. There down on our knees in such a vulnerable position asking God why and cursing to him. While you may think that he is "to busy" for you and so you're there questioning him and all his power. God is and never will be to busy for you. He is just letting everything fall into place for you.

I sit here and think about all that has happened in the last year with all the riots and shootings. Why has all of this become a huge concern? Since when have riots become a common thing to be put on the news? When did a simple hashtag become life changing? Why does a certain percent of the populations lives matter and they just leave out the others lives? When did social media become so powerful that they can help win elections? I'll tell you when. When we forgot to open our eyes and see that there are other people out there besides ourselves. We are worried about a damn HASHTAG than saving peoples lives from OTHER COUNTRIES. People who are starving in OUR OWN COUNTRY. People who have to deal with AIDS and HIV are DYING every damn day and what is the media concerned with? #BlackLivesMatter and #VMAs why are these so popular? why can't we just get off of social media and actually see that family matters and our friends matter. Children dying in poverty matter. WE ALL MATTER! The color of your skin should be the one of the things that DOESNT matter. Who we love DOESNT matter. We all have a heart and a brain. WE ALL matter. The VMAs are useless. TMZ is useless. Why is the media OBSESSED with other peoples lives when we should worry about people who are less fortunate.

Why don't we start helping out? So what if your neighbor is gay/lesbian/trans/bi HELP them. So what if your neighbor doesn't have the same color skin as you HELP THEM!! I was on vacation once walking to a starbucks ("oh typical white girl") minding my own business when I saw a women of a different color struggling with her groceries and I went out of my way to help a complete stranger. If we could all do that don't you think life would be better? This world needs to learn to get over our differences and become one.

To answer my friends question on how I am "so strong" its because of her and the other friends I have. I see their strength and it makes me want to be as strong as them. One of my best friends sister had stage three cancer and she was SO strong about it. Yes she cried, but crying doesn't show weakness. I want to be as strong as her. Another one of my friends lost her mom awhile back and I honestly have no idea how she could be so strong about that, but you know what. She has persevered. Everyone has preserved through something and without the wonderful people i have in my life I wouldn't have made it to who I am today and who I will be tomorrow. Everyone has their own battles to fight and I am so blessed to have such amazing people who have stood by me even when I have pushed them away. My friends and family are why I am so strong.

per·se·vere

ˌpərsəˈvir/

 VERB

continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no indication of success.

like a virus.

Cancer.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when that word is brought up? For some it's the zodiac sign and for others it's worse. Much, much worse. My thoughts on cancer used to be "eh if it happens to me it happens to me. There's nothing I can do about it" but recently my outlook on cancer has changed. Not only has it changed to me, but to my family as well.

A few weeks ago my mom got diagnosed with cervical cancer. When she called me with the confirmation I broke down in the middle of the childerns museum I was at. I didn't know what to think or how to react so I cried. hearing my mom say "The doctor said its cancer" broke me inside. What have I been doing all these years? I was HORRIBLE to my mom. All I could think about in that moment was everything I had done wrong to her and everytime I had made her cry from being so mean. I finally realized what I was doing to her. 

Nowadays I feel like everyone knows someone who has/had cancer or actually has cancer. It's spreading. Like a virus everywhere. Not just one type, but hundreds. Why hasn't this been stopped? Why hasn't a cure been found? All the millions of dollars donated each year. How is this not preventable?

My mom is a lucky one. It's been caught in the early stages we've been told. It hasn't been confirmed yet, but that's so far what we have been told. I pray every night and thank God for letting me be here for her and I ask for his forgiveness for all the wrong I have done to her. I love my mom so much, and I'm done taking advantage of her.